Day Nine

Today was all about being more group-centred or more individual-centred as appropriate.

I think it has been my most difficult day yet. Simply, I think, because of the well-worn and comfortable group dynamics between the four of us. What I think it boiled down to was the fact that Katie and I are quite used to being individual and doing what we want to do, while our respective husbands are more group-centred. This works very well in the individual family units, and when the four of us are together, Katie and I tend to battle it out a bit to make sure that everybody’s needs are met. This sounds bad, but it works quite well. Because we’ve known each other for so long, we can push each other’s limits and find an acceptable medium without much trouble.

On this occasion, however, because I was trying to be more group-centred, and go along with what everybody else wanted to do, there was only one voice to follow. This was made more tricky by the fact that Katie often likes to have the support of other people to help make up her mind on decisions where the outcome doesn’t matter too much or where there is no obvious deciding factor.

After we got up and realised that the weather was going to be a bit horrible, there was a bit of discussion with the gentlemen, and Katie concluded that we should go to St Ives because there, we’d mostly be sheltered, inside the Tate, shops, cafés or galleries.

Once we got there, we had a bit of a discussion about whether to have lunch straight away at the Tate or to walk to the centre of the town to find somewhere less expensive to eat. I really wanted to stay at the gorgeous top floor café at the Tate because of the incredible romantic views and the delicious food. I think it was more than the Moritzes wanted to spend on a meal out though. I offered to pay, but Katie came out with the crushing argumentative blow “Aren’t you supposed to be group centred today?” when I repeated the offer. I relented, ashamed, and we ended up wandering round for a long time looking for somewhere else to eat, and then again for a gallery that wasn’t closed, in the cold and wet, with me getting gradually more bored and miserable, and desperately trying to stifle my wish to say so.

Thus, I may have managed (mostly) to fulfil my task for today, but I didn’t feel happy about it, and I didn’t enjoy the way the group dynamics changed. Not sure what I am supposed to learn from this – should I conclude that the way I would normally behave in groups is ok? The book doesn’t say anything about whether the stuff that happens when I change the way I act should be good or bad, only that I should take notice of it, although the authors strongly hint that the results are likely to be positive.

Hmm. Wish there were some scales here to at least give me some reassurance on my progress towards svelteness. Or whatever it is.